Final Exam: I may have to purchase a DeLorean

I studied my head and heart out Friday, Saturday, and Sunday (and I confess, throughout my intensive, time-consuming study sessions, I had feelings of doubt concerning whether I was studying the right way for this exam — possibly I should have tried to get more info from the professor, but I didn’t know how to phrase it diplomatically), and I’m doing almost everything I can think to do. I’m exhausted. I didn’t sleep for more than a few hours last night, and I’m having a tough time kick starting my brain. I’m going to breathe a little and keep calm.

A few (disjointed) thoughts and stern reprimands to myself as I near the beginning of exam time:

1. EGAD there is a LOT of information.

2. I need to stop treating my grade in this course as though it’s some reflection on my ability or my chances, as though ability is set or that I can’t persevere. This way of thinking has always bothered me and caused me to shy away from competition. Whatever happens on this exam, I know how to better tackle taking a comprehensive exam next semester. I cannot treat taking exams the way I have been treating it this semester. I have to continue reviewing all the time and not rest on my laurels or decide to worry about it later. I have to be thorough. I have to know all of this backwards and forwards.

3. I’m just going to have to take the final exam tonight. Tomorrow is the deadline for the exam and I do not like being so close to the deadline as it is. I prefer having control. This is difficult when work demands my attention.

4. I don’t know what I was thinking just allotting last week for study time and then starting on Thursday. Obviously my job is really inflexible and requires me to be flexible about working overtime, so I should have been extra careful and started studying two weeks ago or four weeks ago.

5. PRIYA, DON’T EVER LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN! THIS WAS/IS TOO IMPORTANT!!!!!

If things don’t go well, I can’t let this ruin the holidays or my interest in the course or my ambitions. I might have to just retake it. (I guess I’ll go check on the website if they replace the grade on my transcript. This possibility is what makes me feel the worse. But I’ve always wanted a time machine. )

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

I may just throw up.

But first I’m going to google “final exam anxiety” and see if there’s anyone who feels worse than I do right now.

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