Don’t panic^3

Tomorrow is my very last day of work.

Oh. My. God.

I was at the little grocery store in my building fifteen minutes ago when it hit me. It was like I was pressing an icicle to my sternum.

What. Have. I. Done.?

I’m leaving my job. I’m not going to have a paycheck presented to me every two weeks.

Part of me is glad. Last week, they gave pink slips to two out of fifty or so people. It’s rumored there are going to be more layoffs. Also, as much as I liked the people I worked with, I really didn’t enjoy the work as much. If someone had said, “Priya, keep doing this forever and you’ll always be safe and secure,” then I wouldn’t have minded. But it isn’t much fun to be in a job that is not great and pays badly, and also be insecure in said position.

Part of me is extremely scared. I made a little Excel sheet of how much money I have to pay out for tuition, groceries, medication (guess who has atopic dermatitis? hi-O!). Plus, my bf is letting me use his car, so I have to pay for my portion of car insurance. Since he covers rent, it’s my job to cover groceries, and I realized, in the grocery store today, we really don’t watch how much we spend on groceries. Other than what we’ve put towards our savings, we spend very liberally. Luckily, we shy away from the expensive, but we’re not thrifty. We buy clothes. We have a dinner out. We go to the movies. We spend.

I’m a little worried how Cutting Back will affect our relationship. It might bore him. But maybe that means I was boring to begin with and I don’t have any control. He always insists that he doesn’t mind cutting back. Though, it seems, every other week, his firm is having some financial instability that the president seems a little too easygoing about.

I was always told that the firm I worked for never fired anybody and never laid anybody off, which is why this is so surprising to me. I mean, if this firm is really having a hard time paying its bills, then how are other types of companies doing? And should I really be holding out for good part-time work or grateful if I can get a job at the Safeway as a cashier?

I emailed my advisor to ask him if he could please meet with me. So far, I haven’t heard from him, but maybe he’ll email me tomorrow.

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