O-Chem Nightmare

Had my first OChem Exam today. It was a sleepy nightmare. I recognized it all. It was easier than what I was expecting. But I hadn’t slept so my brain was fried.

Yes, it’s me, Priya. The one who swears over and over again she won’t stay up all night. She never went to bed again last night.

What’s really been getting me down is that my lab partner, who I liked at first but has since turned into somewhat of a pain. She is emotional and high-strung, not too unlike me but definitely worse, which turns me into a slightly afraid and reserved lab partner.

Nothing seems to be going right. I actually thought I did all the right things: I dropped Physics (lots of schools don’t require it and there was no way I would have been able to study for tomorrow’s Physics Exam).

I feel pretty bad, and I’m trying not to feel bad. I have a lot of psychic energy tied up into doing well. When things are good, they are good. When things aren’t, I’m forced to realize the truth: the only thing that seems to matter to me is how I feel about myself.

It’s sad. I really want to believe in myself in such a way that I can just really put my everything into it. I have until mid-November to drop it. If I drop it and take it next semester, it’ll be good practice. I don’t know what pharmacy admissions would say about it. I guess it doesn’t matter until it does. I’d much rather get a W than a less than decent grade.

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