Nine Lives

I think Organic Chem is over for the semester. We have an exam today, and I realized that my approach to the material is very far from my professor’s approach to the material, and the twain won’t meet.

He’s a young guy. He’s very nice. He doesn’t write very well on the board, like in a way that lets you copy what he’s writing. I could get past that if he stuck to using the expensive textbook. But he doesn’t. I’m not an aural learner. I have to read and see to learn. I find myself surfing the internet looking for lecture notes from other universities on to when his notes don’t match the book’s content.

I’m disappointed by other things. I don’t know if it’s fair to say, or if it sounds totally reasonable, but I guess the things that bother me are impeding my ability to feel confident. Or maybe I’m just being childish. I guess it doesn’t matter. Obviously it bothers me. 

I don’t think 2 lousy quizzes and a lousy lab should have ruined my midterm average. I don’t really even know where I am in the class, grade-wise. I’m fairly sure he’d give me a B, but it would be a meaningless B, and anyway, I feel anxious and not quite in control.

And these are my grades. This is very important knowledge.

I sort of wish I could get my money back. I don’t know how 2 W’s are going to look on my transcript. I don’t know how I’ll feel graduating from Pharmacy School at 36 instead of 35. I don’t know what the admissions committee will think of my scheduling snafu. Hopefully I can explain what happened.

I don’t want to go in in two hours to take an exam that will just make me feel less in control and worse about myself. My notes are extensive, but they don’t appear to mean anything. He talks, and I don’t absorb what he’s saying.

There are all these schools where professors actually make an effort. They post lecture notes. They read the expensive textbook they have you buy. They care about being professors. I know it’s actually very helpful for someone to answer questions via email and text and all, but it’s a hallmark of a good professor to anticipate students’ questions.

Maybe I got dispirited too soon in the semester.

I’m starting to mull. I think I need to make a pro/con list. I’m fairly certain I’m not going to take today’s exam.

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