New Bad Habits

I have not been feeling motivated. Now that the PCAT is done (and done well), for some reason, I feel like a turtle who is withdrawing into the shell.

I could be tired. I could be slightly burned out. I could be overloaded with things to do and am just getting by. I might be procrastinating because I’m seeking some kind of sensation. Or maybe I’m lazier after having the whole summer plus 1 month to study for PCATs.

Maybe my prioritization technique is actually a crutch that keeps me from doing as well as I could. Maybe not doing awesome right off the bat in OChem made me so anxious and my self esteem is so low that my mind decided to sleepwalk this semester.

I’d like to blame it on my cold and on my period, but I’m not sure. Lack of iron? Perhaps.

A part of me thinks that I’m doing this because I don’t want to get sucked into getting too interested in a frilly class.

Whatever the case, here I am today: nearly 3am and pulling an all-nighter reading for a Speech class midterm exam tomorrow. Of all the dumb things.

Is it me? (Yup.)

I never intended to make this blog a confessional. I do like to track when I screw up and how I can improve myself, but I think what I’m about to say comes more from a place that feels guilty.

So last week, I busted my hump over Exam I in Organic Chem. I got an 88% (my lab partner got a near perfect score, which I am jealous of (and I vow to be a better student than her)). I dropped Physics recently.

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O-Chem Nightmare

Had my first OChem Exam today. It was a sleepy nightmare. I recognized it all. It was easier than what I was expecting. But I hadn’t slept so my brain was fried.

Yes, it’s me, Priya. The one who swears over and over again she won’t stay up all night. She never went to bed again last night.

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Want to be the girl with the most cake….

Our first organic chemistry exam is coming up on Monday. I’m nervous. I have not been doing well so far.

I think part of it is that I’ve been stressed. There’s been so much going on. And perhaps this sounds exceptionally silly, but I didn’t exactly realize I’d signed up for 12 credits. I considered Public Speaking a blow-off class, but the truth is, it has tests and stuff that’s due regularly.

I dropped Physics because I made a list of schools I wanted to go to, and I realized that a lot of them didn’t really even require physics or required only 1 semester, or¬†they just need you to be done with both parts by the end of Summer 2012. So I can take the first part next semester instead.

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OChem and other nightmares

This might end up the the title of my autobiography.

Look, I’m sick of acting like a nervous brat. I’m so entirely sick of it. I moan and groan and ache over stupid quizzes. I get emotional, and it’s not a quality I like in myself.

I can list the reasons why it’s a Waste of Time:

  1. It’s dumb.
  2. It’s stupid.
  3. It’s a waste of emotional energy.
  4. It’s most definitely a waste of mental energy
  5. It keeps you from attaining the confidence and strength you need to get back on the proverbial horse again.
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Anxiety! Be Gone!

Things were going okay, and then this week has me frazzled. I’m trying to finish up a physics lab and prepare for a “conceptual quiz” based on some of my prof’s lectures (I missed Monday because of an orientation at the hospital for a volunteer position).

Frick frick frick frick. I had a quiz in OChem lecture. A quiz in Physics.The PCAT on Monday. And I have a quiz in OChem discussion tomorrow. I have to go to the stupid hospital to get my stupid TB test checked after my class ends at 8:30 pm.

Power through, Priya!

School begins

School begins tomorrow. I have 21 days until the PCAT. We voluntarily evacuated during the weekend because of Hurricane Irene. We were lucky to come back to an apartment with power on and clean water. The weekend in central Virginia was nice. We avoided all rednecks and had a lovely time.

I’ve had this problem lately where I don’t want to leave my apartment. I don’t love where I live, I have limited funds anyway, and driving to get everywhere is often a hassle. This all changes tomorrow, when I have to start my first day of school.

This year we have:

  1. O-Chem
  2. Physics
  3. Public Speaking
I have to mark down which dates applications are due. I feel so-so about so many of my schools. I don’t want to leave pharmacy school with six figures in debt. I badly want to get into my state university. I want to get my fierce competitive feeling back. I want to get my energy back. I sort of let the summer roll by.
I need to get my head on straight and work hard for the next 3 weeks. I have everything I need to do great. I just need to be confident. And I need to quit pretending that organizing will help me more. I’ve organized everything like crazy. it’s time to act and stop using “needing to get organized” as a crutch.

Little accomplishments

I am tired of thinking I’m not getting anything done. So I’m going to see what I am spending my day on, and I’m also going to add a list of things that I let myself get distracted by:
CHORES:
  1. Washed dishes
  2. Cleaned bathroom sink
  3. Posted Netflix
  4. Made To Do lists
  5. Wiped mirror in LVGRM
  6. Got packages from downstairs
  7. Put rest of Diet Cokes in fridge
General Organization & Grooming
  1. X’d out days in new desk calendar
  2. Wrote up countdown to PCAT and major dates
  3. Brushed my hair
  4. Washed my face, toned, moisturized
PharmCAS:
  1. Sent prof info (resume, personal statement, bullet points) needed for him to write recommendation letter
  2. Registered prof’s name with PharmCAS
  3. Asked dept chair/pre-health advisor for recommendation letter
  4. Sent personal statement to friend for criticism
PCAT 
  1. Oh crap.

Letter from my lifecoach

Dear Priya,

You have 21 days until your September PCAT, and it seems like you haven’t been accomplishing much lately.

I’m not judging you, I’m just making you aware of it so we can figure out how to get you back on track. I think you probably felt overwhelmed because your strategy hasn’t been specific enough. It shouldn’t take so long for you to review the quant stuff. Seriously.

I’m not going to go into the whys–the only thing that’s important is how to get back on track. I have a few ideas:

  1. Stop psyching yourself out
  2. Do what you need to do to relax–just don’t overdo it or you won’t be able to concentrate
  3. It takes awhile to get into the “studyzone.” Once you get into it, you know that it’s a really happy and exciting place for you. You love to learn and you love to achieve
  4. Drink more water and less diet Coke.
  5. Don’t forget to take your iron supplements
  6. Let’s be more specific about what you want to accomplish on the weekdays, and be less scheduled on the weekends.
Remember how you felt the day before the July PCAT? You don’t want to feel that way this time. So get it together now.
We’ll talk more later.
Love,
Ursula Fitzmonster

How lazy can I be today? Let me count the ways!

You know what’s better than reviewing Quant? I’ll make you a list:

  1. Changing my WordPress theme
  2. Seeing Lauren Conrad take MTV Cribs on a tour of her parents’ megamansion
  3. Designing a new blog for myself so I can kick my own ass about stuff outside of school
  4. Watching an episode of “Dance Moms” and feeling like I wanted to shower after the experience.
  5. Making licorice tea to settle my stomach Read the rest of this entry »

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