Flaky flake

I haven’t been doing as well as I’ve wanted to in OChem, and this is killing some of my motivation.

Fact: I did not take my multiv Friday night, so I was tired and sluggish on Saturday, and spent most of the morning and afternoon in bed reading about Gaddhafi’s death and then about Koko the gorilla. I wasted Friday afternoon, too.  Instead of being efficient, I was puttering around. I felt tired. I generally feel tired.

Maybe I need more iron. Sigh. I have a quiz tomorrow, and, historically, quizzes have not gone very well. It really kills my self-confidence and studying is about building self-confidence.

So I should be stricter with myself. I have trouble with discipline. I know exercise would help. Yet I feel like sticking it out in my chair trying to dredge up motivation is the answer.

I wonder if I’m trying to sabotage myself. I don’t want to be anything but reliable and steady, yet I get flaky.

Bad (idea) study habits

I can’t remember if I’ve written about my bad habits before, but I certainly haven’t improved. Part 1 of my second big Chem Exam of the semester was this morning (conceptual stuff on acids and bases and aqueous ionic solutions), and I did what I always so the night before the exam. I stay up all night and get frazzled.

Read the rest of this entry »

Weekly quizzes

I took my first Chemistry quiz. I stayed up all night because I wanted to get a 100% and make a great impression on my professor. I may or may not have gotten mostly everything right (or worth partial credit), except I know for sure that I misread an exponent as I tried to work quickly.  I thought she was trying to trick us, so I gleefully answered it. I couldn’t see the clock, so I just worked faster after one person handed in their quiz.

I don’t know why I’m so darn slow while I’m taking a quiz. I think it’s probably because I’m trying to think and not be scared. It takes me twice as much energy to focus and calm myself down. I always want that feeling of mastery and confidence but I never get it. I just end up feeling lucky. I hope I get at least 7 points out of this somehow. It sucks. I wanted it to be perfect. It sucks that I have to continue to worry about the mistakes I make because I make mistakes. I feel better that the smart pre-pharm Cal grad also might have  messed up.

I just want to eat lunch and take a long nap. I haven’t been interested in sleeping much lately. Part of me feels like I don’t deserve to sleep or that sleeping is boring. It’s really weird. I don’t get why I’m like this. It’s so ridiculous. God, Priya, chill out already and stop thinking about how you feel or what you’re worried about. Christ Almighty.

Faring my recent exams

So last time I posted (last Wednesday), I felt ill after my Microbiology Lab Practical. I’d stayed up all night studying for it, was exhausted, and dreaded my results. I received my results shortly before Chemistry that evening. Read the rest of this entry »

Note to self

Dear Priya,

You’ve never shown a gift for time management, so let me use this post to remind you that your chemistry homework took 4 hours.

Yes, 4 hours.

You haven’t even looked at Microbiology yet.

And you aren’t even done with preparing your chemistry lab questions so you can study for the quiz instead of fretting over lab.

Good Lord.

Love,

Your face