Marathon

This semester’s been okay, and I need to kick it into gear. I planned to do SO MUCH over spring break, but I got sick twice.

I’m hoping to be much more consistent post-Spring Break.  I’m not sure that I’ve been working as hard or as efficiently as I could, and I think it’s because so much of my energy goes to keeping my anxiety at bay.

I’m a little ashamed of myself, actually, because my classmates whine and moan about the professor, but the truth is is that they’re lazy and have given up. I know it’s hard to take out the textbook, spend time on Khan Academy, etc. but you have to do what you have to do.

I’m great at sprints, but I have to build my endurance for marathons. I need to figure out how to actually sleep before a big test instead of staying up all night on coffee and anxiety.

Advertisements

Flaky flake

I haven’t been doing as well as I’ve wanted to in OChem, and this is killing some of my motivation.

Fact: I did not take my multiv Friday night, so I was tired and sluggish on Saturday, and spent most of the morning and afternoon in bed reading about Gaddhafi’s death and then about Koko the gorilla. I wasted Friday afternoon, too.  Instead of being efficient, I was puttering around. I felt tired. I generally feel tired.

Maybe I need more iron. Sigh. I have a quiz tomorrow, and, historically, quizzes have not gone very well. It really kills my self-confidence and studying is about building self-confidence.

So I should be stricter with myself. I have trouble with discipline. I know exercise would help. Yet I feel like sticking it out in my chair trying to dredge up motivation is the answer.

I wonder if I’m trying to sabotage myself. I don’t want to be anything but reliable and steady, yet I get flaky.

New Bad Habits

I have not been feeling motivated. Now that the PCAT is done (and done well), for some reason, I feel like a turtle who is withdrawing into the shell.

I could be tired. I could be slightly burned out. I could be overloaded with things to do and am just getting by. I might be procrastinating because I’m seeking some kind of sensation. Or maybe I’m lazier after having the whole summer plus 1 month to study for PCATs.

Maybe my prioritization technique is actually a crutch that keeps me from doing as well as I could. Maybe not doing awesome right off the bat in OChem made me so anxious and my self esteem is so low that my mind decided to sleepwalk this semester.

I’d like to blame it on my cold and on my period, but I’m not sure. Lack of iron? Perhaps.

A part of me thinks that I’m doing this because I don’t want to get sucked into getting too interested in a frilly class.

Whatever the case, here I am today: nearly 3am and pulling an all-nighter reading for a Speech class midterm exam tomorrow. Of all the dumb things.

Want to be the girl with the most cake….

Our first organic chemistry exam is coming up on Monday. I’m nervous. I have not been doing well so far.

I think part of it is that I’ve been stressed. There’s been so much going on. And perhaps this sounds exceptionally silly, but I didn’t exactly realize I’d signed up for 12 credits. I considered Public Speaking a blow-off class, but the truth is, it has tests and stuff that’s due regularly.

I dropped Physics because I made a list of schools I wanted to go to, and I realized that a lot of them didn’t really even require physics or required only 1 semester, or they just need you to be done with both parts by the end of Summer 2012. So I can take the first part next semester instead.

Read the rest of this entry »

Little accomplishments

I am tired of thinking I’m not getting anything done. So I’m going to see what I am spending my day on, and I’m also going to add a list of things that I let myself get distracted by:
CHORES:
  1. Washed dishes
  2. Cleaned bathroom sink
  3. Posted Netflix
  4. Made To Do lists
  5. Wiped mirror in LVGRM
  6. Got packages from downstairs
  7. Put rest of Diet Cokes in fridge
General Organization & Grooming
  1. X’d out days in new desk calendar
  2. Wrote up countdown to PCAT and major dates
  3. Brushed my hair
  4. Washed my face, toned, moisturized
PharmCAS:
  1. Sent prof info (resume, personal statement, bullet points) needed for him to write recommendation letter
  2. Registered prof’s name with PharmCAS
  3. Asked dept chair/pre-health advisor for recommendation letter
  4. Sent personal statement to friend for criticism
PCAT 
  1. Oh crap.

Letter from my lifecoach

Dear Priya,

You have 21 days until your September PCAT, and it seems like you haven’t been accomplishing much lately.

I’m not judging you, I’m just making you aware of it so we can figure out how to get you back on track. I think you probably felt overwhelmed because your strategy hasn’t been specific enough. It shouldn’t take so long for you to review the quant stuff. Seriously.

I’m not going to go into the whys–the only thing that’s important is how to get back on track. I have a few ideas:

  1. Stop psyching yourself out
  2. Do what you need to do to relax–just don’t overdo it or you won’t be able to concentrate
  3. It takes awhile to get into the “studyzone.” Once you get into it, you know that it’s a really happy and exciting place for you. You love to learn and you love to achieve
  4. Drink more water and less diet Coke.
  5. Don’t forget to take your iron supplements
  6. Let’s be more specific about what you want to accomplish on the weekdays, and be less scheduled on the weekends.
Remember how you felt the day before the July PCAT? You don’t want to feel that way this time. So get it together now.
We’ll talk more later.
Love,
Ursula Fitzmonster

Well, gah!

Well, now I just feel bummed and unmotivated  for studying for Part 2 of the Chem exam because of this morning’s exam.  Jeez,  Priya, have some resilience.  You were tired and anxious and worried.

Read the rest of this entry »

Bad (idea) study habits

I can’t remember if I’ve written about my bad habits before, but I certainly haven’t improved. Part 1 of my second big Chem Exam of the semester was this morning (conceptual stuff on acids and bases and aqueous ionic solutions), and I did what I always so the night before the exam. I stay up all night and get frazzled.

Read the rest of this entry »

Lagging

I ended up with an 85.5 on my first Chemistry exam. I now have to study for my Chem Lab Quiz on Monday, Biology Lab exam which will take place Tuesday. and a Chemistry Quiz on Wednesday.

I started studying for the Bio Lab exam, but I’m vague about what I need to know. So I started on my Chem homework now. I was confused with the last Chem Lab we did, so I think I probably need to go in to the tutoring center early Monday and redo it.

Taking a tumble

Some days, I suffer from anxiety. There’s a voice in my head that reminds me that I am 30, that I am a part-time student at a community college (even though I strongly believe in the value of our local community college), and that I wasted my college years and my parents’ money because I was too lazy and sheltered to grow up. I interviewed for jobs only at fancy consulting firms and offices where all the young women dressed beautifully and seemed so smart, so much better than most other women. I tried to forget that I was raised middle class, that we only lived in the town we did because it was literally the edge of being included in the state’s best school district, and that the American meritocracy doesn’t exist. Many of my peers got jobs at fancy places because their parents got them the jobs. My parents pleaded with me to figure out what I wanted to do, and I backed away and they dropped the issue.

Read the rest of this entry »

« Older entries