Weekly quizzes

I took my first Chemistry quiz. I stayed up all night because I wanted to get a 100% and make a great impression on my professor. I may or may not have gotten mostly everything right (or worth partial credit), except I know for sure that I misread an exponent as I tried to work quickly.  I thought she was trying to trick us, so I gleefully answered it. I couldn’t see the clock, so I just worked faster after one person handed in their quiz.

I don’t know why I’m so darn slow while I’m taking a quiz. I think it’s probably because I’m trying to think and not be scared. It takes me twice as much energy to focus and calm myself down. I always want that feeling of mastery and confidence but I never get it. I just end up feeling lucky. I hope I get at least 7 points out of this somehow. It sucks. I wanted it to be perfect. It sucks that I have to continue to worry about the mistakes I make because I make mistakes. I feel better that the smart pre-pharm Cal grad also might have  messed up.

I just want to eat lunch and take a long nap. I haven’t been interested in sleeping much lately. Part of me feels like I don’t deserve to sleep or that sleeping is boring. It’s really weird. I don’t get why I’m like this. It’s so ridiculous. God, Priya, chill out already and stop thinking about how you feel or what you’re worried about. Christ Almighty.

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Slushy, wintry mix=cancelled classes

The college parking lot was empty when I drove in this morning. Apparently classes had been cancelled due to a rumored Nor’easter. It’s hailing a little outside, but the hail is extremely tiny. I’m wondering how much money the colleges loses by cancelling classes on the spur of the moment like this. They have actually furloughed professors on some days.

I came home, and I’m trying to get started on chemistry, but I feel anxious about it. We’re doing Chemical Kinetics, and I’m not getting it that easily, so I feel impatient. Also, she gave a “How much do you remember from 1st semester?” pop quiz on Monday that she said we didn’t have to turn in. It stung to not have done as well as I hoped, so I didn’t turn it in. Neither did this Chinese girl, so I don’t feel like I’m a moron. Though I definitely need to get my anxiety under control when it comes to chemistry (since, you know, the PCAT and all).

Also, I could use some additional time learning how to hard focus. I know I feel pretty disappointed with how much time I waste, just to feel emotionally ready to concentrate. I’ve been using High Expectations Asian Father as a motivator (that’s how bad I feel about my inability to be completely studious).

Le sigh. Happy Wednesday.

Bacterial Betrayal

Had my first Microbiology exam today. I studied for awhile. I think I should have started to study sooner, but with my poorly paying part time job and studying for chemistry, I didn’t. Instead, I studied from 3 pm Saturday onwards.

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Note to self

Dear Priya,

You’ve never shown a gift for time management, so let me use this post to remind you that your chemistry homework took 4 hours.

Yes, 4 hours.

You haven’t even looked at Microbiology yet.

And you aren’t even done with preparing your chemistry lab questions so you can study for the quiz instead of fretting over lab.

Good Lord.

Love,

Your face

In ProcrastiNation

So last week, I took my first physics quiz. The next day, I dropped the class.

I did well on the quiz, but Chemistry had me so incredibly worried. Plus, I was bummed that I couldn’t finish my physics homework in 8 hours, meaning I couldn’t read and absorb the chapter and then finish the homework.

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