The Murky Halfway

So, this past semester, I changed/delayed my time in the following ways:

  • I dropped Physics because there was going to be an exam the day after an Organic Chemistry exam
  • I dropped Organic Chem because my professor was not a very good prof and made a lot of mistakes.
  • I’ve decided to delay my applications to Pharmacy School.

I’m not sure how to explain this to my professors what I’ve done or what’s going on. I’m sort of afraid they’ll think I’m not tough enough and I’m a basket case, and that I won’t make it when I’m in school.

I have to study for my only final this semester. It’s on Wednesday.

Dropped

Oh boyoboyboyoboy….

Not quite sure how I’ll explain this to the admissions committee: I dropped OChem.

Priya’s List of Reasons Why:

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Nine Lives

I think Organic Chem is over for the semester. We have an exam today, and I realized that my approach to the material is very far from my professor’s approach to the material, and the twain won’t meet.

He’s a young guy. He’s very nice. He doesn’t write very well on the board, like in a way that lets you copy what he’s writing. I could get past that if he stuck to using the expensive textbook. But he doesn’t. I’m not an aural learner. I have to read and see to learn. I find myself surfing the internet looking for lecture notes from other universities on to when his notes don’t match the book’s content.

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Flaky flake

I haven’t been doing as well as I’ve wanted to in OChem, and this is killing some of my motivation.

Fact: I did not take my multiv Friday night, so I was tired and sluggish on Saturday, and spent most of the morning and afternoon in bed reading about Gaddhafi’s death and then about Koko the gorilla. I wasted Friday afternoon, too.  Instead of being efficient, I was puttering around. I felt tired. I generally feel tired.

Maybe I need more iron. Sigh. I have a quiz tomorrow, and, historically, quizzes have not gone very well. It really kills my self-confidence and studying is about building self-confidence.

So I should be stricter with myself. I have trouble with discipline. I know exercise would help. Yet I feel like sticking it out in my chair trying to dredge up motivation is the answer.

I wonder if I’m trying to sabotage myself. I don’t want to be anything but reliable and steady, yet I get flaky.

Is it me? (Yup.)

I never intended to make this blog a confessional. I do like to track when I screw up and how I can improve myself, but I think what I’m about to say comes more from a place that feels guilty.

So last week, I busted my hump over Exam I in Organic Chem. I got an 88% (my lab partner got a near perfect score, which I am jealous of (and I vow to be a better student than her)). I dropped Physics recently.

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O-Chem Nightmare

Had my first OChem Exam today. It was a sleepy nightmare. I recognized it all. It was easier than what I was expecting. But I hadn’t slept so my brain was fried.

Yes, it’s me, Priya. The one who swears over and over again she won’t stay up all night. She never went to bed again last night.

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Want to be the girl with the most cake….

Our first organic chemistry exam is coming up on Monday. I’m nervous. I have not been doing well so far.

I think part of it is that I’ve been stressed. There’s been so much going on. And perhaps this sounds exceptionally silly, but I didn’t exactly realize I’d signed up for 12 credits. I considered Public Speaking a blow-off class, but the truth is, it has tests and stuff that’s due regularly.

I dropped Physics because I made a list of schools I wanted to go to, and I realized that a lot of them didn’t really even require physics or required only 1 semester, or they just need you to be done with both parts by the end of Summer 2012. So I can take the first part next semester instead.

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Anxiety! Be Gone!

Things were going okay, and then this week has me frazzled. I’m trying to finish up a physics lab and prepare for a “conceptual quiz” based on some of my prof’s lectures (I missed Monday because of an orientation at the hospital for a volunteer position).

Frick frick frick frick. I had a quiz in OChem lecture. A quiz in Physics.The PCAT on Monday. And I have a quiz in OChem discussion tomorrow. I have to go to the stupid hospital to get my stupid TB test checked after my class ends at 8:30 pm.

Power through, Priya!

School begins

School begins tomorrow. I have 21 days until the PCAT. We voluntarily evacuated during the weekend because of Hurricane Irene. We were lucky to come back to an apartment with power on and clean water. The weekend in central Virginia was nice. We avoided all rednecks and had a lovely time.

I’ve had this problem lately where I don’t want to leave my apartment. I don’t love where I live, I have limited funds anyway, and driving to get everywhere is often a hassle. This all changes tomorrow, when I have to start my first day of school.

This year we have:

  1. O-Chem
  2. Physics
  3. Public Speaking
I have to mark down which dates applications are due. I feel so-so about so many of my schools. I don’t want to leave pharmacy school with six figures in debt. I badly want to get into my state university. I want to get my fierce competitive feeling back. I want to get my energy back. I sort of let the summer roll by.
I need to get my head on straight and work hard for the next 3 weeks. I have everything I need to do great. I just need to be confident. And I need to quit pretending that organizing will help me more. I’ve organized everything like crazy. it’s time to act and stop using “needing to get organized” as a crutch.

Little accomplishments

I am tired of thinking I’m not getting anything done. So I’m going to see what I am spending my day on, and I’m also going to add a list of things that I let myself get distracted by:
CHORES:
  1. Washed dishes
  2. Cleaned bathroom sink
  3. Posted Netflix
  4. Made To Do lists
  5. Wiped mirror in LVGRM
  6. Got packages from downstairs
  7. Put rest of Diet Cokes in fridge
General Organization & Grooming
  1. X’d out days in new desk calendar
  2. Wrote up countdown to PCAT and major dates
  3. Brushed my hair
  4. Washed my face, toned, moisturized
PharmCAS:
  1. Sent prof info (resume, personal statement, bullet points) needed for him to write recommendation letter
  2. Registered prof’s name with PharmCAS
  3. Asked dept chair/pre-health advisor for recommendation letter
  4. Sent personal statement to friend for criticism
PCAT 
  1. Oh crap.

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