Nine Lives

I think Organic Chem is over for the semester. We have an exam today, and I realized that my approach to the material is very far from my professor’s approach to the material, and the twain won’t meet.

He’s a young guy. He’s very nice. He doesn’t write very well on the board, like in a way that lets you copy what he’s writing. I could get past that if he stuck to using the expensive textbook. But he doesn’t. I’m not an aural learner. I have to read and see to learn. I find myself surfing the internet looking for lecture notes from other universities on to when his notes don’t match the book’s content.

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Flaky flake

I haven’t been doing as well as I’ve wanted to in OChem, and this is killing some of my motivation.

Fact: I did not take my multiv Friday night, so I was tired and sluggish on Saturday, and spent most of the morning and afternoon in bed reading about Gaddhafi’s death and then about Koko the gorilla. I wasted Friday afternoon, too.  Instead of being efficient, I was puttering around. I felt tired. I generally feel tired.

Maybe I need more iron. Sigh. I have a quiz tomorrow, and, historically, quizzes have not gone very well. It really kills my self-confidence and studying is about building self-confidence.

So I should be stricter with myself. I have trouble with discipline. I know exercise would help. Yet I feel like sticking it out in my chair trying to dredge up motivation is the answer.

I wonder if I’m trying to sabotage myself. I don’t want to be anything but reliable and steady, yet I get flaky.

New Bad Habits

I have not been feeling motivated. Now that the PCAT is done (and done well), for some reason, I feel like a turtle who is withdrawing into the shell.

I could be tired. I could be slightly burned out. I could be overloaded with things to do and am just getting by. I might be procrastinating because I’m seeking some kind of sensation. Or maybe I’m lazier after having the whole summer plus 1 month to study for PCATs.

Maybe my prioritization technique is actually a crutch that keeps me from doing as well as I could. Maybe not doing awesome right off the bat in OChem made me so anxious and my self esteem is so low that my mind decided to sleepwalk this semester.

I’d like to blame it on my cold and on my period, but I’m not sure. Lack of iron? Perhaps.

A part of me thinks that I’m doing this because I don’t want to get sucked into getting too interested in a frilly class.

Whatever the case, here I am today: nearly 3am and pulling an all-nighter reading for a Speech class midterm exam tomorrow. Of all the dumb things.

Is it me? (Yup.)

I never intended to make this blog a confessional. I do like to track when I screw up and how I can improve myself, but I think what I’m about to say comes more from a place that feels guilty.

So last week, I busted my hump over Exam I in Organic Chem. I got an 88% (my lab partner got a near perfect score, which I am jealous of (and I vow to be a better student than her)). I dropped Physics recently.

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Anxiety! Be Gone!

Things were going okay, and then this week has me frazzled. I’m trying to finish up a physics lab and prepare for a “conceptual quiz” based on some of my prof’s lectures (I missed Monday because of an orientation at the hospital for a volunteer position).

Frick frick frick frick. I had a quiz in OChem lecture. A quiz in Physics.The PCAT on Monday. And I have a quiz in OChem discussion tomorrow. I have to go to the stupid hospital to get my stupid TB test checked after my class ends at 8:30 pm.

Power through, Priya!

Final final tomorrow

This hasn’t been a slam dunk semester. I took my Chem 102 final exam this morning. I did that stupid thing where I stayed up all night long (rested for an hour), but it was okay. I couldn’t think of the symbol for mercury (Hg), and that’s embarrassing.

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The Yuckness

I’ve been feeling very anxious lately about all the stuff that’s upcoming: standardized exams, quizzes, finals, etc.  My eyelid started twitching, and I can’t seem to will it to stop. I started having some panic attacks, even on days where there weren’t exams.

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Springtime in Chem II

Chem 102 has not been good to me recently. After doing poorly on an exam, I wanted to establish “control” over my performance, so I studied all night (I know, I know, I told myself no more all-nighters and broke the rule again) and then went to bed from 5am-7:15am, and got up and went back to my desk to take a look at the final type of problem.

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Told you so

I knew I’d done badly on my second Chem exam.  I won’t say how badly. It was really sad. I made a number of stupid errors and could have fared better if I hadn’t overthought some things and managed my time on the exam better.

I’m trying not to get spooked, I’m trying not to waste energy by attempting to figure out if the professor is judging me or by trying to figure her out (I don’t know why I’m like this about people or why I’m so needy for people to like me).

I dreaded going to school yesterday. I’m starting to feel a little overwhelmed by all the work I will have to do until the end of the semester. I have to study for the ACS exam and for the PCAT–both are amazingly important. And Chemistry is also important (meaning doing really well on her exams).

This sad, unfortunate exam will get dropped. I don’t want to feel like buffers are my enemy. I want to master it all.

Which, of course, takes work and I have to dedicate myself to it.

I have to finish studying for my Bio quiz on the plant life cycle today.

Well, gah!

Well, now I just feel bummed and unmotivated  for studying for Part 2 of the Chem exam because of this morning’s exam.  Jeez,  Priya, have some resilience.  You were tired and anxious and worried.

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