Accepted!

I got accepted Early Decision to my state school’s pharmacy school. Yay! This is what I wanted all along.

I wish I could have blogged more, but last summer was emotionally painful. I want to be stronger. I thought I was, but I think my support network sort of fell apart. And, luckily, those that remained unknowingly really helped me a lot.

Getting through pharmacy school is going to take a lot of tenacity and a stronger belief in myself. It’s going to take even more discipline.

I want this, so I’m going to do everything I can in my power to become stronger and healthier, physically and mentally. My first step is to get physically stronger–lose the weight I gained this year after being on my allergy pills, strengthen my back and core muscles, tying up my crazy huge bunion and go running.

This summer, I promised myself I’d take better care of myself. I generally do, but I want to amp it up a lot.

So getting accepted to pharmacy school is the first of a lot of things I want to accomplish. I’m happy. Now step 2 is to build my mental and physical stamina, and an even better discipline.

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Marathon

This semester’s been okay, and I need to kick it into gear. I planned to do SO MUCH over spring break, but I got sick twice.

I’m hoping to be much more consistent post-Spring Break.  I’m not sure that I’ve been working as hard or as efficiently as I could, and I think it’s because so much of my energy goes to keeping my anxiety at bay.

I’m a little ashamed of myself, actually, because my classmates whine and moan about the professor, but the truth is is that they’re lazy and have given up. I know it’s hard to take out the textbook, spend time on Khan Academy, etc. but you have to do what you have to do.

I’m great at sprints, but I have to build my endurance for marathons. I need to figure out how to actually sleep before a big test instead of staying up all night on coffee and anxiety.

Dropped

Oh boyoboyboyoboy….

Not quite sure how I’ll explain this to the admissions committee: I dropped OChem.

Priya’s List of Reasons Why:

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Anxiety! Be Gone!

Things were going okay, and then this week has me frazzled. I’m trying to finish up a physics lab and prepare for a “conceptual quiz” based on some of my prof’s lectures (I missed Monday because of an orientation at the hospital for a volunteer position).

Frick frick frick frick. I had a quiz in OChem lecture. A quiz in Physics.The PCAT on Monday. And I have a quiz in OChem discussion tomorrow. I have to go to the stupid hospital to get my stupid TB test checked after my class ends at 8:30 pm.

Power through, Priya!

School begins

School begins tomorrow. I have 21 days until the PCAT. We voluntarily evacuated during the weekend because of Hurricane Irene. We were lucky to come back to an apartment with power on and clean water. The weekend in central Virginia was nice. We avoided all rednecks and had a lovely time.

I’ve had this problem lately where I don’t want to leave my apartment. I don’t love where I live, I have limited funds anyway, and driving to get everywhere is often a hassle. This all changes tomorrow, when I have to start my first day of school.

This year we have:

  1. O-Chem
  2. Physics
  3. Public Speaking
I have to mark down which dates applications are due. I feel so-so about so many of my schools. I don’t want to leave pharmacy school with six figures in debt. I badly want to get into my state university. I want to get my fierce competitive feeling back. I want to get my energy back. I sort of let the summer roll by.
I need to get my head on straight and work hard for the next 3 weeks. I have everything I need to do great. I just need to be confident. And I need to quit pretending that organizing will help me more. I’ve organized everything like crazy. it’s time to act and stop using “needing to get organized” as a crutch.

Hitting the Reset

I took the PCAT yesterday, after a sleepless night. It’s been a really rough week. When I get nervous, I can’t eat. I had planned to drink a meal replacement. I had planned to talk myself into getting into bed.  I tried, and found I was too rattled to sleep. And my hunger pains were ripping my stomach.

I found myself desperately wishing I had had more time to study. It seemed crazy to only spend five weeks studying for it. I found this helpful stuff on the PCAT website at the last minute (because I’d been avoiding SDN—the bitchiest boyzone forum that is occasionally helpful that I’ve personally ever encountered).

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No time to panic

The PCAT is Wednesday, July 27th.

I’m freaking out a little, when there is no need. I’ll do the best I can. I’ve been studying. I’m trying to get a Romanian gymnast’s level of concentration going. I’m wearing the outfit I’ll wear to the test center.

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48 Days

I have roughly 48 days until the PCAT. I’ve stopped following my schedule.  I feel confused about how to study for this (I still don’t get why, but I’m guessing it has to do with the amount of material there is). I spend whole days on 1 chapter of one subject. It’s really tough.

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Taking a tumble

Some days, I suffer from anxiety. There’s a voice in my head that reminds me that I am 30, that I am a part-time student at a community college (even though I strongly believe in the value of our local community college), and that I wasted my college years and my parents’ money because I was too lazy and sheltered to grow up. I interviewed for jobs only at fancy consulting firms and offices where all the young women dressed beautifully and seemed so smart, so much better than most other women. I tried to forget that I was raised middle class, that we only lived in the town we did because it was literally the edge of being included in the state’s best school district, and that the American meritocracy doesn’t exist. Many of my peers got jobs at fancy places because their parents got them the jobs. My parents pleaded with me to figure out what I wanted to do, and I backed away and they dropped the issue.

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First day of school

School went well for the most part. It was fun, actually, to be on a campus again. I live in a metro area and the school was packed. All of the parking lots were full. It was insane.

The eye-roll inducing part of the day came during chemistry. Now, I’ve taken both high school and college chemistry, and yes, it’s been 10 years, but I’m perfectly capable of doing well. I know this.

I took a diagnostic test for my chemistry class, and, like most of the class, I probably failed it. It’s been years since I’ve thought of molar mass or whatever. Bonds, yes, I get. Problem solving, I’m a little rusty on. I couldn’t remember how to calculate molar mass.

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