Anxiety! Be Gone!

Things were going okay, and then this week has me frazzled. I’m trying to finish up a physics lab and prepare for a “conceptual quiz” based on some of my prof’s lectures (I missed Monday because of an orientation at the hospital for a volunteer position).

Frick frick frick frick. I had a quiz in OChem lecture. A quiz in Physics.The PCAT on Monday. And I have a quiz in OChem discussion tomorrow. I have to go to the stupid hospital to get my stupid TB test checked after my class ends at 8:30 pm.

Power through, Priya!

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Hitting the Reset

I took the PCAT yesterday, after a sleepless night. It’s been a really rough week. When I get nervous, I can’t eat. I had planned to drink a meal replacement. I had planned to talk myself into getting into bed.  I tried, and found I was too rattled to sleep. And my hunger pains were ripping my stomach.

I found myself desperately wishing I had had more time to study. It seemed crazy to only spend five weeks studying for it. I found this helpful stuff on the PCAT website at the last minute (because I’d been avoiding SDN—the bitchiest boyzone forum that is occasionally helpful that I’ve personally ever encountered).

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Well, gah!

Well, now I just feel bummed and unmotivated  for studying for Part 2 of the Chem exam because of this morning’s exam.  Jeez,  Priya, have some resilience.  You were tired and anxious and worried.

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I don't know where my towel is

I didn’t take my exam last night. I meant to, but it got to be past 10 pm and I was tired. I needed to study more and by the time I felt slightly close to ready, I was totally exhausted. My eyes couldn’t read things properly, and that’s a big problem. You have to be able to read the test questions properly, and my eyes get useless.

I was tired, cranky, irritable and sad. So anxious.

The nightmare has to end tonight with my taking the final exam.

Being impulsive is not cool

One of my worst habits is to be impulsive about test-taking. I desperately want to just take the exam. I’ve run out of questions from the McGraw-Hill website and just want to go ahead and take the test already. (When I’m tired, I get impatient and impulsive.)

The problem is is that it’s 11:19 p.m. and I’m flagging. I’ve been studying since 3 p.m. I’ve threatened to take the exam several times already but I’m worried it will turn out like the last chapter exam. And I just don’t want to bother getting anything less than an A in this class if I can help it.

My fear is that I’m going to forget everything I learned today overnight. But, rest may just consolidate learning, so I will have to get up early and get on this tomorrow morning, re-read the chapter, go over my notes, take some practice quizzes off the publisher’s website, and take my exam. Before noon.

I’m glad you’re infallible. Now let’s talk about me…

I have to warn you, my ego is begging me not to write this post for the sake of my self-image, but I’m going to because, darn it, I have perspective and I’m going to use it (mainly to remind myself that I’m better than this).

I was sick last week and did a terrible job on a chapter exam. Like “I’m a moron” and also ran-out-of-time terrible. I was fine for the first third and then started flagging. Tonight, I seek redemption by taking the next chapter exam. I’m determined to do as I usually do (though I put in a lot of effort and work super hard), but I feel sort of deflated. I don’t know what I’m scared of. Not focusing? Not getting it? Secretly being stupid? I don’t know. Who cares? I can do this.

I violated my basic rule for all tests on the last chapter exam. I didn’t do all the easy questions first. I missed ten points by not doing ten questions that were just diagrams. Lame. Silly. Inefficient.

Incidentally, I’m at work today. Work has been hard. Time-consuming. If my financial aid had come in earlier from the community college, I would have gone. Now I think…well, I have to save up more money just in case everything falls apart. Not that it will, but things are slightly less than solid for me right now. It’s time to get used to it.

From the Center of Lessons Learned

Just finished my anatomy test on the Skeletal System and the Joints of the Skeletal System. I got a 98%, which was a total relief, because I didn’t do very well on my last exam and managed to get a 90%. Yesterday, I realized that the material isn’t hard, it’s that the times I haven’t done really well, I simply haven’t put enough time into studying and familiarizing myself with the material, etc. I think I think this every time there’s been a test in this course and then I fall back into a false sense of security. Read the rest of this entry »

Terps

I have four tasks that are non-work related that need to be done. I have to write my personal statement for the postbac program at UMD, finish my lab on joints, find a part-time job, and figure out if this is actually a good idea.

I feel worried, scared, and a teensy bit alone.

Next year, if I can get Maryland residency, then I can schedule daytime classes, and possibly get some financial aid.

These little earthquakes

Aw, man, I made a stupid error on my quiz. I had a perfect quiz average until now. My eyes were tired and I picked “elevation” over “eversion” and I really need to a)be less tired and b)get better lighting going. Darn it!

Oh bother

Taking biology online and over the summer is starting to get a little difficult. I has a crazy week at work last week and came home exhausted nearly every night. Work doesn’t leave me time to eat (and I don’t make enough money to afford to grab a lunch all the time). I was supposed to be on vacation for much of last week and I had to postpone that because we were understaffed.

It’s not a big deal to postpone. I discovered I didn’t have enough money to take a trip I had originally wanted to. Well, I did have enough money, but it seems wise not to spend that money and to stay focused. Read the rest of this entry »