Accepted!

I got accepted Early Decision to my state school’s pharmacy school. Yay! This is what I wanted all along.

I wish I could have blogged more, but last summer was emotionally painful. I want to be stronger. I thought I was, but I think my support network sort of fell apart. And, luckily, those that remained unknowingly really helped me a lot.

Getting through pharmacy school is going to take a lot of tenacity and a stronger belief in myself. It’s going to take even more discipline.

I want this, so I’m going to do everything I can in my power to become stronger and healthier, physically and mentally. My first step is to get physically stronger–lose the weight I gained this year after being on my allergy pills, strengthen my back and core muscles, tying up my crazy huge bunion and go running.

This summer, I promised myself I’d take better care of myself. I generally do, but I want to amp it up a lot.

So getting accepted to pharmacy school is the first of a lot of things I want to accomplish. I’m happy. Now step 2 is to build my mental and physical stamina, and an even better discipline.

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Nine Lives

I think Organic Chem is over for the semester. We have an exam today, and I realized that my approach to the material is very far from my professor’s approach to the material, and the twain won’t meet.

He’s a young guy. He’s very nice. He doesn’t write very well on the board, like in a way that lets you copy what he’s writing. I could get past that if he stuck to using the expensive textbook. But he doesn’t. I’m not an aural learner. I have to read and see to learn. I find myself surfing the internet looking for lecture notes from other universities on to when his notes don’t match the book’s content.

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OChem and other nightmares

This might end up the the title of my autobiography.

Look, I’m sick of acting like a nervous brat. I’m so entirely sick of it. I moan and groan and ache over stupid quizzes. I get emotional, and it’s not a quality I like in myself.

I can list the reasons why it’s a Waste of Time:

  1. It’s dumb.
  2. It’s stupid.
  3. It’s a waste of emotional energy.
  4. It’s most definitely a waste of mental energy
  5. It keeps you from attaining the confidence and strength you need to get back on the proverbial horse again.
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Hitting the Reset

I took the PCAT yesterday, after a sleepless night. It’s been a really rough week. When I get nervous, I can’t eat. I had planned to drink a meal replacement. I had planned to talk myself into getting into bed.  I tried, and found I was too rattled to sleep. And my hunger pains were ripping my stomach.

I found myself desperately wishing I had had more time to study. It seemed crazy to only spend five weeks studying for it. I found this helpful stuff on the PCAT website at the last minute (because I’d been avoiding SDN—the bitchiest boyzone forum that is occasionally helpful that I’ve personally ever encountered).

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No time to panic

The PCAT is Wednesday, July 27th.

I’m freaking out a little, when there is no need. I’ll do the best I can. I’ve been studying. I’m trying to get a Romanian gymnast’s level of concentration going. I’m wearing the outfit I’ll wear to the test center.

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Grrrs and Arghs

I have a little more than a month before the PCAT.

Every single day, I’ve been sitting at my desk and struggling through the Kaplan book. Sometimes my mind is more alert and willing than other times.

I feel woefully behind and deeply nervous.

Got to learn to handle it, of course. No other way to do it.

Summer of PCAT

Got an A in Chem 102 and an A in the second half of biology. It was a relief. I barely made an A in the second half of bio, to be truthful. I was not happy with my final lecture exam score, but I attribute that to having studied far more intensely for the cumulative chemistry final.

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Weekly quizzes

I took my first Chemistry quiz. I stayed up all night because I wanted to get a 100% and make a great impression on my professor. I may or may not have gotten mostly everything right (or worth partial credit), except I know for sure that I misread an exponent as I tried to work quickly.  I thought she was trying to trick us, so I gleefully answered it. I couldn’t see the clock, so I just worked faster after one person handed in their quiz.

I don’t know why I’m so darn slow while I’m taking a quiz. I think it’s probably because I’m trying to think and not be scared. It takes me twice as much energy to focus and calm myself down. I always want that feeling of mastery and confidence but I never get it. I just end up feeling lucky. I hope I get at least 7 points out of this somehow. It sucks. I wanted it to be perfect. It sucks that I have to continue to worry about the mistakes I make because I make mistakes. I feel better that the smart pre-pharm Cal grad also might have  messed up.

I just want to eat lunch and take a long nap. I haven’t been interested in sleeping much lately. Part of me feels like I don’t deserve to sleep or that sleeping is boring. It’s really weird. I don’t get why I’m like this. It’s so ridiculous. God, Priya, chill out already and stop thinking about how you feel or what you’re worried about. Christ Almighty.